The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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