I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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