I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
