your room smells of hookers.
And success
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
