from now on my penis is your penis
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
