im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude i'm inner monologue high
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
