i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
