Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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