the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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