I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
