Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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