hell yes lets make some ravioli
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize