a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
