Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
