ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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