I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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