Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
