So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
