no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
