exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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