I just saw a hot homeless man
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
