It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize