Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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