these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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