i think my tv is drunk
Farmville is her only friend.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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