fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
