Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
