the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
not ubering you a puppy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
