every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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