And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
