i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
