Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
