I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
