Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
