we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
