Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
