Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
