I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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