Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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