is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
