yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
