It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
