I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
