shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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