You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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