I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
