happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
