What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
