So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
