I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
