just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
