That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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