she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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