Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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