Your tits are I can't wait for
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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