I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
