She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think a kid would responsible me up
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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