Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
