I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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