I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
this hospital has no fireball
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
