she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The air was thick with penises
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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