my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
