I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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