I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
True strength comes from lack of pants
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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