the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
