there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Holy shit dude........stairs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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