I got chris browned last night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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