The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
